"You are like a human black cat, proof that Murphy's Law exists." - Dave, as we sat in the E.R. yesterday.
I don't know if I want to laugh or cry right now. It seems like whenever I think everything is going well, something bad has to happen and naturally, bad occurrences must come in threes because one thing just isn't enough.
First, an update on me, healthwise. For once, everything has been great. My medicine to treat the dysmotility has been working. I have been keeping food down. My weight is still dropping, though I haven't returned to any doctors because with the amount of weight I have lost, I fear they will want to give me a feeding tube and just fuck that noise. I'm not throwing up. I may not be getting in the ideal amount of calories, but I'm taking in something and it is staying down. That's progress. I've been feeling good. No pain, limited nausea. The only nausea I feel is in the morning after I take my meds because I take about 7 pills at once, including my multivitamin so I think it's the pills that cause the nausea. A new problem has arisen though, a problem that was always there, not digestive or tumor related, but I'll get into that in a bit.
I have been feeling great and happy and just filled with Christmas spirit. I went all-out with decorating this year and it looked like it puked Christmas in my house. My 2 cats absolutely love this. (We took in an abandoned kitten that we found in an alley outside Gianna's baton practice). Every morning I am picking up bulbs from the Christmas tree and fixing my garland. Another reminder why I prefer dogs, but I know it's Sophie causing the damage and not Midnight.
So, getting to the reason of the post. The bad luck that has been stringed together and has been trying to break me down and I've been trying my hardest not to let it. After what happened to me yesterday,
it's hard not to, though it's very easy to find the good. I'll start with the first thing.
I was at my neurologist appointment as a med check on my migraine medicine. My blood pressure was low, 73/42, which isn't uncommon for me. Very rarely that top number will hit the 90s and it's never been in the 100s. She had me stand up to take it, which I almost fainted, another common occurrence for me. She retested, which my blood pressure was even lower. She didn't like this, obviously. We discussed how I will sometimes space out and if this happens while I'm driving, I will get so far and have no recollection of how I got that far and for a few seconds not recognize where I'm at or where I was going. Then I have my days where I'm constantly dizzy and just feel like I'm living on autopilot. No matter what I do I can't focus on a task and am unable to hold a conversation. She scheduled an EEG to rule out seizures, but she believes I have a heart problem. I'm being referred to a cardiologist to have a tilt table test done. The neuro believes my heart isn't pumping enough blood to my brain which will explain my mental fogginess. I had gotten a ticket last month for running a stop sign because I was in one of those episodes and honestly didn't even see the stop sign! So, let's fix the digestive issues and give her heart problems. Honestly, though, I've suffered with this for years and no doctor ever seemed too concerned.
Bad luck #2. Our furnace broke. It could've been worse because we could have had to replace the whole unit. But still a $300 fix around Christmas time puts a hurting on the wallet.
Now, the big one. The game changer. The thing that changes everything. Yesterday started as a regular day. The kids and I went to church. The girls were I a little musical thing where they played bells and sang a song in front of the church. It wasn't snowing when we left and I wasn't expecting snow until later that afternoon. Sitting in the service, I started feeling a little nervous as I watched the snow fall because I had only driven in the snow once and it was 3 years ago and neither kid was with me. I saw some salt trucks pass by so my worries faded quickly. I retrieved my girls from their classrooms after church had ended and was relieved to find a cleared parking lot and cleared roads. We started on home and all was well....until we started to hit the end of 201. I started to slide a bit. So, I slowed my car down and the girls started to panic a bit. We had said a prayer and I told them not to worry because we have angels surrounding ours that would keep us safe. No sooner than 30 seconds after I said this, I hit ice that caused me to lose complete control of my car. Over a median I went, into another lane, right into the front end of a truck. As we were sliding, I braced my girls and calmly said "Hold on, mommy can't stop, we are probably going to wreck. We are gonna be okay." I heard them crying, saw white, didn't hear or feel anything for a few seconds then heard crying again. I popped up out of my airbag and turned back to look at my kids who were fine. Jenna who was screaming so loudly her face was red, was screaming my name "Mommy why is your face red?!" I touched my face, I wasn't bleeding. I wasn't hurting, my glasses were broken into two, but that was all. I jumped out of the car, went around and checked them out to make sure they were okay. They were. The woman I hit was fine. My van wasn't so lucky. Smashed headlights, my hood is all smashed in, bumper hanging off. I'm trying to exchange info, and my kids hop out. All I can think is what if somebody else slides over here and smacks my kids. I scream for them to get back in the car but they refuse to leave my side. A friend who witnessed, came and picked them up. If my car hadn't drifted where it went, she was the car in front me. I would have rear ended her and her 3 small children. God steered my car into the other lane.
Now, you hear horror stories about airbags. How they will leave burns, break noses, necks, and bruises. I have no markings. I sit right up on the steering wheel, as far as my seat can go. My husband was always nervous that the airbag would break my neck. The only thing it did was snap my glasses and I have a pretty bad sprain in my neck and am in a neck brace for a few days. This accident could have gone wrong in so many ways. I could have hurt my friend and her kids. That airbag could have seriously hurt me or killed me. My kids could have gotten hurt. But we all walked away without a scratch. I told my children that we really did have angels in our car because technically that airbag should have messed me up.
But now, I'm left without a car. We only had it for a few months and it was absolutely wonderful to not be chained to this house. We still have 5 years of payments for this car, too. I hear mixed things about how if the airbag is deployed, they will deem the car automatically totaled and they will junk the car. The car started up. No fluid was leaking, the windshield was fine...hopefully just cosmetic damage. But a $500 deductible. Another not-so-nice credit card charge that has to happen right before Christmas. I need to be thankful the accident wasn't as bad as it could have been, that we are all okay. My kids are a little messed up from it and Jenna doesn't want to leave me alone or get into a car right now. Gianna doesn't want to ride a bus because there are no seatbelts but right now she has to because I have no car to drive her to and from school :( But it was a definitely another reminder how fleeting our lives can be. How we can be one second and the next, we can be gone just like that. It makes me want to hold my children and never ever let them go.
I'm going to end this ridiculously long post. Hopefully the bad luck has left and something awesome is lurking right around the corner. But come on, this is my luck...when does anything awesome ever happen to me? Hmm...how about never? :/
