Introduction

On February 25th, 2013, my life will be changing....hopefully for the better, though I am sure it will take me a while to see it as a better life.

This is going to be a subject that most people won't want to hear about unless they themselves have had or having similar issues, so if you have a weak stomach, I suggest to not read anymore. You have been warned.

I am 26 years old, and since I was a child I have suffered from chronic constipation. While its normal for everybody to experience this in their lives, the extent I have suffered with this is not normal. "Normal" for me was going to the bathroom once every 2 or 3 weeks, and then being so absolutely miserable until I would go (I never used laxatives due to a horrible reaction I had).  November 9th, 2012, I was admitted into the hospital for upper bowel impaction. Not sure how long I have had it since I was having stomach pains since the summer that had just intensified as the months went on. Everything they were trying to get the impaction to break up was not helping. 5 days later after what was torture, they finally got me cleared out and I was allowed to go home, with a diagnosis so far as having a severely redundant colon. Instead of my colon being the average 4-5ft long, mine is between 12-14 feet long.

I started having more tests done, a Sitz marker study and a rectal manometry test. After failing both tests, I was referred to a colorectal surgeon in Pittsburgh. My diagnosis? On top of the redundant colon, I have colonic intertia with rectal nerve damage. After years of dealing with this, my colon doesn't function anymore. The doctor gave me 2 options. I can have the colon removed and have a ileorectal anastamosis, meaning he can take the ending of my small intestine and "hook" it up to my rectum. The odds of this not working for me was 60-70% due to the nerve damage and would end up having option 2 anyways. Option #2 is having an ileostomy bag on my stomach.

After much debate and discussing it with my husband, we decided the 30-40% chance of it not working and end up with another surgery was not worth the risk and having a second surgery was not an option for us. Opting for the ileostomy bag was 100% guaranteed success. So, I made the call and set the surgery up to have the ileostomy.

My surgery is a month away, and I'm having days where I feel positive about it, then the days where I completely freak out about the thought of having a permanent  bag and want to call and completely cancel the surgery. Days where I can't wait for it because I feel miserable and days where just thinking about it sends me into multiple panic attacks and days where I cry off and on the whole day. I keep thinking that if my parents cared enough to have this problem looked into whenever I was a child, I wouldn't be in this spot today. Then I feel hatred for myself because I have been on my own since I was 18 and didn't do anything about it myself, simply because I thought that it was normal.

My purpose for this blog is after doing much research and finding blogs of people that are going or went through this, I thought I could blog my experience -the good and the bad. And hopefully help somebody else who is going through this.

Right now, I mainly feel fear. Fear of how it's going to change my life, physically and mentally. I already suffer with body image issues, so I can imagine this is going to make that worse for me. I have 2 small children, a soon-to-be 6 year old and a soon-to-be 4 year old. They were both afraid to come around me in the hospital because the IV in my arm frightened them. Whenever I come home with an ileostomy bag, I am afraid they will never want to hug me again. I've been trying to explain them what is going to be happening and reassuring them they won't hurt me, but my oldest has already admitted that she is going to be a little afraid of me. I'm sure it will lessen over time.

It is going to be a huge change for me and my family, and I pray every night that I am making the right decision for my health.