Halfway Over

I still can't get over that we are nearly into the second week of July already. Summer is almost halfway over and it honestly feels like it just began! It hit me tonight as me and Jenna were snuggling in her bed as I sang her lullabies to her - that within a few more weeks, my baby will officially be a kindergartener and my snugglebug will be away from me most of the day. It's going to be a huge adjustment, one that I'm not particularly looking forward to. But at the same time, I can't wait for both girls to be in school and to get actual time to myself. It will be awesome for about a week, then I'm sure things will start getting lonely. I would love to be able to get a part-time job or return to school, but I'm facing reality and realizing I may not be able to keep a job with the way my health is and I really don't think anything is going to get better for me.

I saw the reproductive endocrinologist yesterday for my follow-up to my blood tests and ultrasound. Everything was exactly what he suspected. My estrogen levels were very low, and my uterus and ovaries have gotten smaller in comparison to past ultrasounds. He explained basically that my brain isn't sending the signals to my ovaries to create the hormones needed to start ovulation and without ovulation, you can't have a cycle. So, he thinks birth control is a good option right now even though I'm infertile and don't need the pregnancy protection. But, if I don't take some type of hormonal replacement, then he said I have about an 80% chance of developing osteoporosis by the age of 40 and the risk will go up as I get older. I've already got too much on my plate to deal with and don't want to add that to the mix!

I'm also back to dropping weight again. It kinda stopped for awhile, but I'm 83 pounds and every specialist I see tells me I need to gain weight. No shit. It's hard though. For one, I have an eating disorder working against me and no matter how much weight I KNOW I need to gain, as soon as that scale will budge, I will freak out. Another huge factor in it is if I eat too much, I literally feel sick and if I really overdo it, it will all come back up. Thanks for that, gastroparesis.

My PCP was joking around with me about how I need to be in medical books or something lol. I'm probably the only 27 year old female, with an ileostomy with dysautonomia, gastroparesis, hypopituitarism, hypogonadism, a prolactinoma and slow motility on top of it all lol. Nothing on me wants to work and it's probably all of the dysautonomia and prolactinoma's fault. Oh well....still trying to accept everything. At least it ain't a cancer diagnosis. I'm sure that will come later, though haha.

I'm looking forward to next week. The 16th I'm having my day at Kennywood with Gianna. I am looking forward to it, I love Kennywood and I love being the one that Gianna gets to experience the big rides with. I am, however, not looking forward to the time following Kennywood. My spine sticks out and its worse when I sit. At Idlewild, the rides are way more mild than most of the rides at Kennywood, but riding those rides at Idlewild left the spots along my spine, tailbone and shoulderblades pretty bruised and sore. I can't imagine the damage that will be done when I'm being thrashed around on a rollercoaster =/ Dave made a joke about how we will buy Dr. Scholl's gel pads and just tape them to my back and ass to absorb the shock and hopefully avoid bruising lol. It's kind of sad. I've never had skinny girl problems before. I hope the birth control will help me put on a few pounds. I guess we will see. I go for repeat bloodwork in 3 months to see where my estrogen levels are then. I'm on my second day of the pill and they increase my nausea...giving it a week and if it keeps it up, I'll see if I can get it switched to something different.

Well, that's about all for my update. I'm gonna go start the next book in this series I've started. It's the Fallen series by Lauren Kate and I absolutely love it. I read the first book as an e-library book and finished it in a day and a half and I couldn't wait to get Torment so I bought the book on my Nook lol. I'm sure I will be up late tonight and be extra cranky for church in the morning haha. Later!